Of course we want to protect young children from all that could possibly harm them in life. We want them to be happy. We want to steer them away from anything that could cause discomfort. We don’t want them to struggle…Do we?
Can we go too far with this? Is it possible to protect them too much?
Consider this. Two-year-old Robert struggles to get his coat on. He begins this age-old toddler two-step by putting his arm in the wrong sleeve while the other arm on his circling body searches for the empty sleeve that always seems to be just out of reach. A kind adult intervenes immediately and says “Here, dear. Let me do that for you”. She takes the coat off of Robert, realigns it, pushes one arm in the first sleeve, and then the other.
Later that morning on the playground, one of Robert’s mittens falls off. He picks it up and begins the struggle of using his little sausage fingers to work that mitten back on. A well-meaning adult quickly steps in and says “Here, dear. Let me do that for you”. She takes the mitten from Robert and pulls it back into place over his hand.
What’s wrong with that? In her effort to keep Robert from struggling, the well-meaning adult also prevented Robert from opportunities to develop the skills he needs. He missed a chance to develop small motor skills by practicing grasping and pulling that mitten. He’ll need those skills later to be able to write. He missed a chance to figure out where the thumb spot goes--near the top or the bottom. He’ll need these skills later to solve problems. More importantly, he missed that chance to know that he can do it by himself eventually. --To know that on the other side of struggle is success. –To know that he is capable. He’ll need this self-confidence to be successful throughout his life.
What messages might Robert be gleaning from these repeated well-intentioned, helpful interventions? You are not able to do this for yourself. You are not capable. You are helpless. Certainly this was never the true intention of the adult.
Is this an extreme example? Of course it is. Does this mean we should never help a child who is struggling? Of course not. Most assuredly there are limits to the amount of struggle that is healthy. We do not ever want children to feel unsafe or removed from our support and care. We do, however, want to choose when to intervene and when to let children struggle a bit.
Struggle is a necessary part of growth. Theorist Vygotsky’s (1978) Zone of Proximal Development provides a snapshot of what a child can do independently and what he can do with scaffolding (help) from others. We want the child to move through this zone by being challenged just beyond his comfort zone until he is capable of doing the task without assistance. That’s where the struggle comes into play.
While we don’t want to totally remove the struggle, we do want to maximize its benefits. Here are some ways to do that. In a situation where a child is struggling, ensure first of all, that the child is safe. Go from there.
Let him struggle a bit before intervening.
- Do intervene before the child gets overwhelmed.
- Ask him if he would like some help.
- If he answers “yes” then help just enough for him to be able to meet the challenge. He may then be able to complete the task on his own.
- Provide encouragement. Some examples are “You are working hard to get that on. It must feel good to do that by yourself. You almost got it—Good for you! How does that make you feel inside? You did it!” and so on.
It may be difficult for you to watch a child struggle a bit. Close your eyes and picture little Robert. Do you see a child who needs you to put his coat on or do you see a child who is fighting to gain resilience and self-confidence? You can help him develop what he needs for the rest of his life.
That is the power of struggle.
Vygotsky, L. (1978). Mind in society: The development of higher psychological processes. London: Harvard University Press.