Let me start off by saying this one thing:  I do not like Death Cab for Cutie.  In fact, I've probably used the word "hate" at times to describe my feelings towards their music.  For whatever reason, they just don't appeal to me at all.  Even further, their singer also sings in the band The Postal Service, who I also strongly dislike.  Between the two of those bands, I have heard only one song that I would say I like.  The rest is no good, in my opinion.

That was, until yesterday.  I generally listen to music while I'm at work and I tend to default to internet radio or Pandora.  Yesterday, I happen to be on the Pandora station "Alkaline Trio" cause I needed the upbeat, punk rock sounds of Matt Skiba, Bad Religion, and the Bouncing Souls to get me through my afternoon.  I don't always pay attention to the artists that are being played, unless a song really grabs my attention.  And one song I heard did just that.  It was very simple guitar with very mellow vocals.  The words started to draw me in as I listened...

Love of mine
One day you'll die
but I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark...

Curiously, I stopped what I was doing as the refrain drew me in even closer...

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied 
Illuminate the Nos on their vacancy signs...

I was struck.  It was a gorgeuos song that did not seem to fit in amongst the upbeat offerings of the Loved Ones or No Use for a Name.

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks 
I'll follow you into the dark...

I pulled up the browser window to see who was playing such a beautiful song.  Who amongst my punk rock heroes had created this?  To my surprise, it was none other than Death Cab for Cutie.  Why were they on the Alkaline Trio station?  I want the Lawrence Arms.  I want Rancid.  And Social Distortion. And the Descendants.  But the song that saved my day, that I cannot get out of my head, that I want to hear again... was by Death Cab. 

So today, I have the station set to Alkaline Trio.  And the familiar three chord progressions, the uptempo percussion, the melodic bass lines... they are all there to help drive my day.  While a part of my heart hopes to hear that odd man out song again...

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

in the fall of 1999, i left the confines of small town north dakota to start my college journey.  the big city of minneapolis was my target and i took aim.  i learned a lot that year.  a lot about failing test (that turned out to be passing thanks to the curve), about letting go of home, about dorm life, about campus security. 

unexpectedly, i also learned about punk rock.

growing up in northwest north dakota, you don't find out about cultural movements very often.  especially movements that are rebellious and subversive.  i knew of some punk rock bands like green day and mxpx.  mtv was starting to latch on to blink 182 and other poppy, watered down versions of punk rock.  nothing like what i would find in minneapolis.

my exposure to punk rock started slow.  i started listening to bands that had a more political message, stuff with some meat.  rage against the machine was the first to catch my attention.  the first few friends i made were really into the christian ska thing.  it was upbeat and fun, certainly not mainstream.  somewhere in the middle of the rage and the ska, i found punk rock.

i remember as that year went on, two names kept coming up often:  mike ness and henry rollins.  i first saw henry rollins on a flyer that was plastered all over campus.  at first i didn't think much of him.  but mike ness did catch my attention.  i downloaded a couple of social distortion songs (mike ness's band) and really enjoyed them.  girls and transferring kept my attention most of that year and music took a back seat.  moving to fargo would change that.

i needed an outlet and rage against the machine was too political.  they had covered a song by a punk band from washington, dc called bad brains.  through them i found minor threat and a guy named ian mackaye and his new band fugazi.  much to my surprise, ian went to high school with that one guy... what was his name again?  that's right... henry rollins.    they grew up in washington, dc together and were part of the emerging punk movement in the early 80s.  i fell in love with their music, their movement, and in the case of rollins, his writing.

the summer of 2001 brought me two things.  first, i saw fugazi.  they were amazing and my love for dc punk grew like crazy.  the second thing was a new girl in my life.  emily was also into punk rock.  it was through her that i started to listen to bad religion.  and my journey into punk rock continued.  i would pick up a book called dance of days that was written about the punk scene in dc.  i heard the author speak at a local coffee shop and discovered that he grew up a mere 2 hours from me.  how could it be that a small town kid who bought records in williston, nd could end up as a part of one of the most prominant punk scenes in the world?

dance of days would serve me as a guide book the next summer.  along with my copies of some of henry rollins' books, i spent my summer in washington, dc seeking out wilson high school, the 930 club and the georgetown baskin robbins where rollins and mackaye worked.  i walked the bridge that rollins walked and drove through parts of alexandria hoping i would stumble upon the dischord house. 

i don't consider myself much of a punk.  i really never was.  i do find myself pushing back against authority and i find myself questioning "the system" from time to time.  i still love the music and i still read rollins.  this saturday, i get to see him speak.  and so my punk rock journey continues.  this aging punk rock wannabe will see his aging punk rock hero.  can't wait.