Aggression and hostility are the fight responses in the fight or flight reaction to stress. Hostility is characterized by unfriendliness or opposition and can ultimately lead to aggression, whereby a child attempts to do damage to a person or thing. The assault may be physical or verbal. A child’s rude behavior, sarcasm, or silence can be exasperating or even frightening to a parent.
There is an urge to set the child straight with a slap, shaking, or command to ‘snap out of it’. Actually, confrontation is the worst possible alternative. Generally, children want either to be left alone or to be allowed to blow up. If your child does not accept the invitation to talk it out, try to stay out of the way until the emotional storm has subsided.
Although most behavior is learned, understanding the temperamental differences among children can help to explain why some children are more prone to aggression than others. In addition, some adults directly sanction aggressive behavior when they advise children to ‘stand up for themselves and don’t take anything from anybody’.
In some cases children engage in aggressive acts because they crave attention some much that they will settle for any kind they can get – even if it is negative. Obviously, these children need more attention for desirable behavior and minimal attention for the undesirable.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Observe the aggressive behavior and try to determine the situational triggers.
- Communicate to the child clearly and specifically which behaviors are not allowed and what the consequences of such behavior will be.
- Ignore attention-getting ploys.
- Provide a positive example by controlling your own aggression.
- Following an act of aggression, discuss the matter with your child. Encourage the child to generate alternative, satisfying approaches to aggression.
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